Nothing in this world is perfect and for this reason, you cannot expect families to be perfect, too.
The things that you imagined might not really come true. This is something that applies to the relationship between grandchildren and grandparents. There seems to be this notion that all grandkids will like and fall in love with their grandmothers and grandfathers right away. But, what if grandchildren don’t really like or simply ignore their grandparents? Why does this problem occur in the first place?
Even if your grown children might not always be in agreement with you and might even hold certain resentments regarding the way you treated them, most of them still want their own kids to have a good relationship with you. They also want their children to love you. As a result, they pray and hope that you will realize your wrongs and magically transform into those types of grandparents often depicted in movies.
Unfortunately, just because you are older doesn’t always mean that you can change as you please. And to be honest, not everyone really dreams of being grandparents.
Take a look at some of the common reasons why there are grandchildren who ignore their grandparents:
Your Grandchildren Find You Distant or You Cannot Relate to Them
There are instances when your grandchildren might ignore you because you seem distant or not able to relate to them. If this happens, you might want to talk to your children when your grandchildren are not around and let them know about what you feel.
You can come up with a good plan that will work for you and is predictable to include your grandchildren in your life. Try to consult your kids how you can meet your grandchildren halfway. You should do everything that you can do to ensure that your grandchildren won’t feel like you are snob.
You are Not Spending Enough Time with Your Grandchildren
One more reason why your grandchildren might ignore you is because you don’t really spend a lot of time with them. It can be because you don’t even let them or because you are too busy living out your retirement dreams that your grandkids don’t have any place in the picture.
Whatever the reason might be, remember that a relationship takes time to form and develop and just because you are related to a person doesn’t automatically guarantee that you adore and love them from the get-go.
One thing that you can try to do is allow time for your relationship with your grandkids to blossom. Instead of pushing for longer visitations, you can start with simple chats or email or quick trips to the nearest fast food chain.
Don’t forget that people won’t be able to meet all of your expectations always and simply because you think your relationship with your grandkids would be this way doesn’t mean that it is exactly how it will be.
Your Children Might Be the Reason
You might also need to have a good talk with your own kids and ask them to take a look at themselves. There are instances when grown children who got some pent up anger or resentments to their parents tend to unconsciously show it to their own kids.
These are not always spoken words but instead, more of a presence or actions that your children have every time you are around. Your grandchildren might be able to pick up on this from their parents. There are also instances when grown children make some comments about you in front of your grandkids that might show their distaste or dislike for you.
And even if your children might not really mean it as a way of shutting you out from their kids’ life, your grandchildren might feel like they need to pick sides. More often than not, kids will choose the side of their parents out of loyalty. If ever this is the case and your grandkids are old enough to understand how your children feel about you, urge them to explain their feelings to your grandkids.
This way, even if you might not have been a great parent to your children while they were growing up, they can still convince your grandchildren that you will be a wonderful grandparent. Your children can remind your grandkids that you love them as their grandparents. This will show your grandkids that their parents don’t feel threatened even if they choose to have a relationship with you.
You Might Not Really Like Your Grandchildren and They Can Feel It
Now, this is one truth that might hurt. Traits and generational concerns can often put you at odds with your own children at how to raise your grandkids. Your children are probably not doing everything the same way as you did when you were raising them. You might also have a grandchild that is somewhat uncontrollable or a brat at times.
You might also not enjoy spending a lot of time with your grandkids because of behavioral problems. You might not understand these behavior disorders or the disciplinary techniques used by your children. Even if it can feel a bit frustrating, it is very possible that your mind won’t change.
Instead of trying to force your grandkids to spend time with you, see to it that their parents are also present so you don’t need to act as the disciplinarian. If you tend to be harder on your grandkids than their parents, your grandchildren might feel unsafe and threatened by them. The only safeguard in this case is for your children to be present and supervise things when you are with your grandkids and hope that a better understanding and relationship will soon develop.
Whether you like it or not, your grandchildren will not always love to be around you and might even ignore you completely. If this happens, it is best to assess yourself to know if you could have done something that made them feel that way. You can also seek your children’s help to ensure that you will have a good relationship with your grandchildren.