One day, you met the person you wanted to share the rest of your life with. But never did you imagine that the life you dreamt of will just remain as a dream.
If you ever find yourself in a divorce that you didn’t want in the first place, coping with the whole situation would be easier said than done. A lot of men and women who end up in this kind of situation are often left afraid, depressed, and hopeless. It might feel like you cannot just move on and face a new life without your spouse.
However, all hope is not lost.
There are actually a few things that you can do to recover and heal from your unwanted divorce.
Allow Yourself to Grieve
Don’t deprive yourself of enough time to mourn and grieve your broken dreams. Remove that marriage photo on the wall and play your wedding theme song. Cry your eyes out. Let the tears flow and let go. As you do so, give a time limit for how long you will grieve and promise yourself that you wouldn’t be dwelling on those negative feelings for long. While it would do you some good to mourn every day at the start of the adjustment period, don’t forget to know and set a limit for yourself.
Learn to Accept
Hope doesn’t die at once. There are people who hope that a miracle will happen. They seem to think that if they do or said this and that, their ex spouse will have a change of heart and mind.
Unfortunately, once the divorce papers are signed, there is almost always no turning back. And you need to accept that. Even if you didn’t want the divorce anyway, you will need to learn to accept it. At the same time, you also need to accept that whatever happens next from hereon will all be up to you, and no one else.
Refocus on Yourself
It can be very tempting to put all your focus on your ex, your pains, and all those problems hovering above your head. Yes, you can feel the pain that it is only natural that your attention is mostly on it. However, if you really want to recover from a divorce you didn’t want, you need to know when to stop focusing on the problem and start focusing on the solutions instead.
You can only heal if you refocus on your own strengths, your solutions, and how grateful you feel. You will never find joy and peace if you obsess over your ex. It will only turn you into a master of addiction and narcissism. But instead of that, you need to master yourself first.
Identify What Stops You from Healing
There will always be obstacles along the way that might hinder you from taking a step forward or healing from an unwanted divorce. Take time to identify them and learn to address any underlying problem instead of just trying to dodge them. These obstacles can be in the form of things, judgment, or certain triggers that ignite strong emotions in you.
Celebrate Your Singlehood
Now, being single calls for a celebration. In case you don’t know, there are actually a lot of die-hard singles out there who enjoy and love living on their own.
Think about this. You don’t need to share the bathroom with someone. You can stay up late into the night without fearing that you will disturb anyone. You can eat everything you want to eat. You could shower yourself with all the lavishness and luxuries you deserve. You can be you.
There is no way that you can revert your single status even if it wasn’t part of the plan but it doesn’t mean that you will not enjoy it as you can. Sometimes, being alone is the best tome for you to reflect and reorganize your priorities.
Nurture Positive Friendships
Asses the friendships you have right now and make new ones. A lot of people who are fresh from divorce are appalled when some friends give them the cold shoulder. If you share mutual friends with your ex, chances are their loyalty lies more on your ex than you. But, it is also likely that you got some real friends that you can turn to during this time. Feel free to make new friends by inviting someone for a cup of coffee or a quick lunch. You need new friends who will support you as you go through this change in your life.
Know and Explore Your Options
Never hesitate to use your divorce as a compass to point you towards the right direction in life. There are times when a traumatic experience can serve as a catalyst that will help you get out of that rut that you have been in all your life. Have you been reporting to a job that you don’t even find fulfilling? Now might be a great time for you to look for other options. Grab this chance to start over with your life once again and embrace all the opportunities that await you.
Don’t Forget That You Deserve Love
When your spouse files for divorce, it might take a serious toll on your self-esteem and confidence. There are even people who feel like they are unlovable or worthless. However, just because one person didn’t stay doesn’t mean that all others will leave, too. For all you know, the divorce was because of your ex’s issues and not really because of you. Avoid blaming yourself because doing so will only make the road to recovery more difficult. Remember that this time, you must be good only to yourself.
If you ever end up with a broken marriage because your spouse decided to put an end to the relationship, you must make sure that you take care of yourself better now more than ever. You might not have wanted the divorce but at least, from here onwards, you can start anew and do things that you want.