The debate is over. The most challenging job in the entire world is parenting. It requires constant worrying, tough love, compassion, frustration, everlasting love, and the list can go on and on. Parenting presents brand new challenges every day. There is no college course that you can take to help you master your craft. It is always interesting to look at why do parenting styles differa?
Parenting is all about learning on the fly. What you think you mastered one day, works entirely opposite the next. But that’s ok. Those constant changes allow you to adjust your parenting style.
Many people try to resemble the way their parents raised them. While others vow never to parent like their parents did. Being a parent is unique, and it is essential to know that there is no right or wrong way to parent. Good parents utilize a variety of different tools from their toolbox to help raise their kids the best way possible.
It is crucial to keep in mind that what you do and what you say will stick with them for the rest of their lives. They will continuously look to you for guidance and support in their most troubling times. You will be their rock throughout their life. Your style of parenting will affect their weight, their mental well-being, and overall growth and development. The way that you interact with your child will influence him or her for the rest of their lives.
No pressure, right? As much as it can be a stressful situation, it is one of the most rewarding experiences of your life. Children are a blast, and to have the opportunity to mold them into great citizens of this world is something nobody will ever be able to take away from you.
Researchers have been studying parenting styles for years, and four types have stood out as the most common styles of parenting today. These include authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved. Which style of parenting do you most resemble? Are parenting styles important? This article will break down each of the four methods and will allow you an opportunity to reflect on which style of parenting most relates to you.
Authoritarian parenting probably comes under the most fire of the four categories, especially in today’s society. Many years ago, this was the most common style of parenting. Authoritarian parenting is a style of parenting where parents feel that their way is the only way. They are the parents, and children should never question their method.
In many respects, this is keeping total control over your children. It is a way for parents to ensure that their children understand the way things should be done and their own feelings are not taken into consideration. Authoritarian parents believe in household rules that should never be broken.
These parents do not believe in negotiating with their children. They are commonly heard saying, “Because I said so.” There is no explanation needed when their child questions why they have to do what is expected of them.
Children are not part of figuring out the solution to a problem. Authoritarian parents will already have the problem solved for the child, and they will have to accept it. The parents establish the rules, and consequences are enforced if the rules are broken.
Authoritarian parents are not as concerned with teaching their children a lesson. They are punishment driven instead of taking the time to show their children how they could have made a better choice. They want them to feel sorry for what they have done immediately and to feel the effects of the punishment.
Children who grow up in an authoritarian environment will abide by all rules when growing up. However, many of these children will have self-esteem issues as they grow older. They will have a feeling that their opinions are not valued. Many times they feel anger towards their parents rather than doing things better in the future. To avoid getting in trouble, children from authoritative parents may lie more in their life than other people to avoid receiving any punishment.
Authoritative parents work on being the reliable figures in the family, but know the importance of helping them understand the consequences for their actions. To do not take the “my way is the highway” approach. Their goal is to maintain a positive relationship with their children by explaining the reasons behind punishments.
Authoritative parents must take their children’s opinions into account. They may not agree with the feelings their child is expressing, but they will at least acknowledge them. When the conversation is over, the children will know that they had a voice, but ultimately realize that the parents are entirely in charge.
Authoritative parents work extremely hard to prevent behavior issues from happening before they even start. They look at situations beforehand and think up potential ways that problems could arise. These parents invest the time to ensure that an upcoming situation is handled correctly.
Many positive discipline strategies may be put into effect by authoritative parents. This can include reward and point systems to reinforce that good behavior.
Based on research, an authoritative parenting approach has shown the most positive effects on children’s futures. Many children have shown responsibility and can make a lot of reliable decisions on their own. They are not as anxious or worried about whoever is in charge because they know that the decisions made will be healthy and happy.
Children of authoritative parents are more comfortable expressing their feelings and opinions on different matters. They can think through rational decisions and evaluate risks on their own.
Permissive parents try extremely hard to be tough on their children but struggle with following through on any consequences. There are rules set inside of the home, but they are rarely enforced. These parents tend to feel as though children will learn better on their own. They will be able to understand their consequences and grow from them.
Permissive parents hope that problems can be solved on their own. If things seem to spin out of control, that’s when they will step in to put a stop to it. But, they are more lenient than both authoritative and authoritarian parents.
These parents are very forgiving and seem to have a solid understanding that “kids will be kids.” They make a lot of empty threats, and the children learn that there is typically no follow through so they will push despite the threat. Kids who beg for their privileges back or for a chance to get out of time-out sooner will tend to get their way.
Many problems that permissive parents run into is the fact that they tend to take on more of the friend role rather than the parent. They want their children to be comfortable talking to them about their problems, which is undoubtedly a great thing. However, the child also needs to respect that they are still the parent in the house.
While being their friend, they need to be able to advise their children against bad decisions, which is something a friend may not do. Permissive parents have a hard time telling their children something they don’t want to hear, even if it’s for their own good.
Kids who grow up with permissive parents are going to struggle with rules in school. There is a higher risk of developing behavioral problems because they can get away with things at home that they are not able to out in society. These kids will become easily frustrated and can develop a low-esteem.
Health concerns are also something that kids of permissive parents struggle with. Obesity is common for children of permissive parents because there is no limit to the amount of junk food that can be consumed.
In addition to obesity, children of permissive parents can expect to have more dental issues due to the sweets they are allowed to eat as well as not a strong enforcement of brushing their teeth consistently.
The final parenting style to discuss is uninvolved parenting. These parents typically don’t ask much about how school is going, who they are hanging out with, and just overall don’t spend much time with them. These parents tend to be very focused on work or are not 100% confident in their abilities to handle their children.
Uninvolved parenting involves very few rules, and children do not receive the guidance that they need to make educated decisions. Children do not receive the nurturing they need to learn and understand the feelings of other people. This can lead to detrimental effects down the road.
Uninvolved parents put most of the responsibility on the children to take care of themselves. Basic needs are typically not met, which can lead to hygiene problems and bullying issues in school. Children with uninvolved parents will tend to lean on other people to help them out. They will gravitate towards adults in school or other avenues, which could be problematic.
Unfortunately, many uninvolved parenting happens as a result of mental health issues or substance abuse. Since they are having a difficult time taking care of themselves, it leaves very little time for them to take care of their children. In these instances, many children end up taking care of their parents.
Uninvolved parents can also be a result of just being completely overwhelmed. Between working too much, finding ways to pay bills, and take care of a household, they don’t have time to focus on their children. This is unfair to the child, but uninvolved parents just don’t know any other way.
There are a couple of different things that can happen to children of uninvolved parents. One is that they live a miserable life. They feel incompetent and unable to do anything right. This parenting style can impact their academic performance, both academically and socially.
There is a good chance that they will act out in school to get attention because they are not getting it at home. This can ultimately lead to considerable problems as they become adults.
The other result is the complete opposite. Many children can overcome the odds and become independent adults. Since they had to do so much for themselves as children, they learn how to get things done as an adult. They looked at how their parents raised them and vowed never to let their children grow up in the same kind of environment.
They create pretty amazing lives for themselves. If you read stories on some of the most successful people in the world, you will see many stories revolving around uninvolved parents.
One thing is for certain…parenting is hard! You may have read through this and identified yourself immediately or realized that you are a mix of several of them. Don’t feel guilty if you ended up in a category that you wished you didn’t. If that is the case, you have time to change your style. Seek out advice from other parents or talk to a counselor about how you can feel better about your parenting style.
The research is evident that authoritative parenting has yielded the best results for children. It is essential to set and stick to rules, but also ok to hear how your children feel about the decision. They may still walk away frustrated, but deep down, they will respect that you took the time to acknowledge their feelings. There is a better chance of this, not repeating itself when a parent handles a situation this way. It is important to find a fine line between being their parent and their friend.
You want them to be comfortable talking to you about anything, but you also must be prepared to give them advice that they don’t want to hear. This method is the most effective for kids.
If you are doing your best, your children will know. They may push back and fight, but they will appreciate that you are trying. Giving up on them will ultimately lead to problems in life that could be tough ever to overcome. Keep your relationship as positive as possible with your children, but make it clear that there are rules that need to be followed.
And, if you set consequences, they must be followed through. Otherwise, children will never believe in your follow through with rules.
Your parenting style will overall affect child development.
Take a deep breath, acknowledge parenting is hard, but know that you can do it. You have the power to raise an amazing child!