When daughters are still little kids, they only got their eyes fixated on Mommy alone. They follow their mothers around wherever they go and try to mimic anything and everything that Mom does.
But, once they grow up, go off to explore the big world, and live their own lives, it is no longer uncommon to see daughters who reject their mothers. This is the time when differences and separation concerns start to occur.
An Increasing Gap between Mothers and Daughters
Mother-daughter relationships become a constant struggle of balancing the good and the bad. More often than not, this is the point of the relationship when mothers and daughters are not prepared to handle the increasing gap between them. Physical separation of mothers and daughters is also affected by the specific degree to which both parties must feel connected instead of feeling disconnected or rejected.
Daughters and mothers are currently experiencing the effects of relationship conflicts. They are all having a hard listening to each other’s sides, respecting their differences, honoring their limits and boundaries, and offering emotional support to one another.
All too often, you will hear how frustrated and hurt adult daughters and mothers feel just because they are not emotionally connected. Instead, it seems that their relationships are now composed of nothing but unnecessary criticisms, constant arguing, and lack or absence of mutual support as a whole.
Why do all of these happen then? What causes all those conflicts and misunderstandings that there are even daughters who reject their mothers?
Common Reasons Why Daughters Reject Their Mothers
When daughters become adult with the desire to develop autonomy and seek their own individuality, they might have a hard time trusting their own choices. They might even be afraid of the thought that they might not withstand the influence of their mothers.
And in the hopes of avoiding these feelings of incompetence and criticism, daughters just choose to pull away. Most of the time, these are just the feelings of the daughter without necessarily reflecting the reality that their mother feels critical or even entitled to continuing the authoritative role that they used to have.
Develop Different Views
Starting from the childhood years, daughters and mothers have the tendency to identify with one another. When the daughter becomes an adult, both may then struggle as the daughter develops her own unique identify that is unlike the views that she used to share with Mom.
There are mothers who might think or take it as their daughter’s rejection of their opinions, values, character, views of the world, and more. On the other hand, daughters might also have the same experience. Even though some daughters feel the need to pull away from their mothers to individuate, there are also daughters who have second thoughts about creating their own sense of self and separate life. As a result, they might feel as if their worried moms are pushing them to do so. Such mothers try influencing what they deem as essential individuation through lessening the nature and amount of contact they have with their daughters.
Conflicts due to Relationships
Another common reason why daughters and mothers fight and develop conflicts is because they have highly complicated relationships or they may also have too similar or too different personalities. It could also be because hormones are the reason why daughters and mothers feel angry with one another. You see, there is still the age-old sexism that hormones are getting the blame why women get angry.
It is true that mental health issues and differing personality traits may also have an influence on how well mothers and daughters relate to each other. However, these are not the main reason behind the fights between daughters and mothers. They also don’t explain why conflicts between mothers and daughters have become prevalent these days.
Changes in the Roles
Instead, another possible reason why there are daughters who reject their mothers is because of the significant changes in the roles and lives of women for the past few years that increased their choices, opportunities and freedom. One more reason is the generational experience that women have with sexism.
The lives of modern women underwent dramatic changes for the past two or three generations. For some daughters and mothers, they tend to embrace these changes as challenges. They incorporate these increased women’s freedom, choices, and opportunities into their own relationships and lives as they change and grow together.
However, there are also mother-daughter relationships that see changes as nothing but problems. Back in the days, daughters walk on the same path as that of their mothers. Similarity was common in mother and daughter relationships. But now, daughters and mothers need to navigate their different views, opportunities, and lives as females. Unfortunately, for some of them, this can cause conflict because they embark on the fight as to who is wrong and who is right.
Different Experiences Throughout Life
The dynamic becomes even worse because of the generational experience that women have in terms of sexism. The primary problem often seen is how the female history gets defined by the way women are silenced. During the time of mothers and grandmothers, no one asked them about their needs, feelings, thoughts, and wants. Conversations were completely silent. The fact that mothers were not emotionally supported or heard during the day is what causes misunderstandings and conflicts that can get passed down from mothers to daughters.
If their own culture or family doesn’t honor or hear the feelings and needs of women, daughters and mothers end up fighting. They fight over who should be heard. If the emotional needs of women are silent, daughters and mothers fight over whose needs must be met. And the moment the lives of women are restricted by those sexist gender roles that put a hamper on their freedom and choices, daughters and mothers fight over their lack of freedom.
Learning and finding the real reasons why there are daughters who reject their mothers require deeper explorations much more than personality traits of women, their emotional or mental health concerns, and hormonal issues.