Jan 23, 2017

How Comfortable Are You? I am Scared!

Galen Pearl left a comment yesterday. She was most complimentary but I had to pause and think. First of all, I am shy and it is even hard for me to hear too many good things especially when I come out of the closet and let the world know how I REALLY feel. I worry and it is not clear to me why. Honestly, I do believe that I am good person and offending others does bother me. I apologize a lot.

I was an educator but that is not what I am all about. I have always been outspoken to the point of being a pain in the neck. It has taken me many years to learn to temper my nature. I have learned the hard way that I need to know the "whole truth" before I decide what my opinion is. Even then I am not entirely sure about things. It seems that the less I know the stronger my opinion will be so I keep that in mind.

When you read my posts you will usually find a disclaimer or two especially when I am talking about my opinion. Never when I state facts. Those don't require a disclaimer.

My friend Norah said on Facebook that watching the women march made her more proud than she had ever been. My son-in-law posted about his niece marching somewhere in the Midwest. Of course the comments here were in agreement. Even when I post on Facebook most followers agree with me with more enthusiasm that I can even muster.

It is out here in my retirement world where I live with people from different parts of our country and with different life experiences that I get in trouble. I feel assaulted by opinions I just can't come to grips with.

It seems that when I start to feel more brave, then there is no stopping me. That is the problem. See all the people except one that I went to dinner with last Friday where elated by the Inauguration. I watched but I was not happy. The only thing I could say was that I did like the Trump I saw on that day better than the other one that we see daily or hear from on Twitter.

Then I was the one to go off. I went on and on.

In the heat of the moment true beliefs emerged. I was told that Democrats are bad. I think it was because Roe versus Wade is linked to that party. I wasn't sure about that. We may be bad for other reasons too.

But...this is the thing, I know what good  people these are. They are working hard in their church and foster friendships with people even like me. It is my fear that a leader like Trump brings out the worst in a lot of people including me. He did on that evening.

So, being out spoken, defending what we believe in a reasonable way and realizing that most people will not or cannot be changed comes into play. The question is, "Are we willing to overlook our differences and play nice together." We will see because I am not hiding my light under a basket anymore.

If I seem uncomfortable in this place, it is because I really am. It scares me a lot!


Might also want to read:

In My Humble Opinion
The Women's March: What do you want?
400 lb. 14 Year Old
Dubai: Second Graders Are Very Afraid


Linda Myers said...

We are all in this together, Barbara. You should have gone out to dinner with me!

I am having conversations with conservatives because I really want to know what they think. And here in Arizona I know some. At home in Washington State I don't.

None of us are bad. Not on either side.

Juhli said...

It is dawning on me that people are really letting their "tribal" affiliations show in ways that did not before the election. I used to just hear it in the form of religion or race (I live in the South right now) but now it is about everything that I value. My tribe is more plentiful back in California where I will be living again soon but I also find them here. It is a very sad and uncomfortable time in America IMO.

mxtodis123 said...

I've been feeling the same. I have discovered different kinds of Trump voters. Those that are truly racist and hateful, those that believe every word he says, and those that feel God put him there. I told a peer not too long ago, "God didn't put this man there." The hateful I want no part of. The others I try to be understanding with. I'm just tired of hearing "Get over it. You lost". "Snowflake". etc. And, I think what bothers me the most is why? He is like a cult leader who can do no wrong. I am reminded of a Jim Jones, and it gives me the shivers. These people will follow him right into a war.

Ellen Fassbender said...

I am scared as well. Disbelief that this person actually leads this country is still with me everyday. I find myself angry when listening to people who support his every utterance and move. But it is not the people who voted for him that I am angry with. They made their choice (no matter how misguided) by voting. No,I am angry with those voters who did not bother to vote for whatever reason they had. Their choice to not use their right to vote just upsets me to the max. And yes, I am sick and tired of being told that "I need to get over it". I may move on and be a little less vocal of the immense number of traits I find disagreeable about him, but "I will never get over it".

Anonymous said...

I am scared on the other side.
I voted for Trump because of my family history of distrust of the Clintons. Yes, having my family being left in Saudi Arabia after a massive blow is unique in my perspective, but it is my perspective. And like Ellen, "I will never get over it."
I have been called all sorts of nasty names after years of service in the poor rural areas of our great country. I worked, with my husband, in three foreign countries and did service to the poorest of the poor (people who have not traveled outside of the US have no idea---do they?) My dignity as a Christian has been questioned because I refused to select a person who has a husband who abused women, as a course of pride, in the past. Not some words- but actual abuse. I do not want that man in Our White House ever again.
I don't believe wearing a vagina on your head does anything to promote the dignity of people. But, that is me. Never saw a woman in a refugee camp who liked having her vagina exposed.
I believe that electing Hillary was re electing the status quo.
That is why I voted for Bernie. That is why I voted for President Trump.
Unlike others, I am waiting for actual policy to see what Trump does. I hope he can fulfill a few more promises then those of Pres Obama, whom I also voted for. I learned- the hard way- don't give out that peace prize until peace occurs. Politicians say lots of things---don't they?
Maybe a bit of the fear mongering is what the politicians want....
I have voted for change for the last six elections.
I have my reasons.
I would appreciate it if people would stop calling me names. ~Janette

Barbara Torris said...

I don't blame you for not wanting people to call you names. That is just wrong on so many levels I cannot even list them.

Your reasoned choice is the kind I like to hear. You should be respected for that. I am not as pragmatic as you are and that can be a problem.

In the discussion, the only thing I would disagree with is the section about Hilary and remaining in a less than perfect marriage. In many ways this is the problem that makes women march. We are humans that belong to belief groups but in the end we are ourselves and should not be defined by our husbands worth. Some people just don't see the need for divorce. Eleanor Roosevelt is a prime example. She became the better half of a partnership born of need and business.

Thank you for your civil response. I liked that a lot.


Barbara Torris said...

You and I need to quit being part of those discussions. We all knew that the non-voters would be a problem. I have never been told to get over it but in the end is the boastful and angry that will set us off. Toxic is toxic and we all need to take a deep breath...that is what I am going to do.

Barbara Torris said...

Stick with your attitude...it is great. We can all go off here but in our peer groups we need to play nice. It is hard isn't it?

Barbara Torris said...

Juhli, as always your have said what needed saying. I had not thought of the word "tribal" but is does say a lot doesn't it. I am no amond bad people. I am visiting a different tribe. 'When in Rome' might be a good way to go!

Thank you.

Barbara Torris said...

You always remain above the fray Linda and I like that a lot. It is hard sometimes living in a different culture but isn't it wonderful in the end?


Galen Pearl said...

We have to find a way to talk to people respectfully, even people who disagree with us. Even people who disagree with us a LOT. My best example is the Jewish rabbi who reached out to a Klan leader. The Klan leader had been calling his home, voicing awful, hateful things and threats. It was a small community, and the rabbi knew that the Klan leader was suffering from some health related disabilities. Instead of cutting him off or returning the hate, the rabbi interrupted and asked the Klan guy if he needed anything from the grocery store. The end of the story is that the Klan leader renounced the Klan and became friends with the rabbi.

I am saddened by family members who say that no longer speak to someone who voted differently, or friends that have broken off contact with friends for the same reason. You are walking the razor's edge of speaking your opinion in the midst of those who disagree. It's hard to voice your opinion and be genuinely curious about the opinions of those who disagree.

Anonymous said...

I have many friends who have stayed married for many different reasons. My point was that I am not interested in having a person who lost their law license over sex charges, being the "First Husband" in the White House. Roosevelt never lost his license and was never charged with a sex crime. If a woman was charged with sex crimes involving subordinates and lost her law license over the incident, I would feel the same way about her being the First Lady. ~Janette

Thank you for the civil discourse.

Barbara - said...

Iagree that e need to find ways to speak to each otherf-to a point. I have had to "unfollow"and deliberately made other arrangements this Christmas. My problem is that one of my new years resolutions is to never be quet. And while there ARE people who follow trump who embrace diversity, many of the folks I come in contact with think folks who are transgendered are abberations, and in general either talk about discrimination, deportations or taking away rights. So on those issues I am never, ever silent.

Now, if one more person tells me to wait and see, I am going to ask them outright how they expect me to wait and see when the most unqualified candidate possible is running the department of education.

Barbara Torris said...

I agree totally. It seems to me though that somethings cannot be agreed with and that is hard. I am not going to even talk about politics with friends again...even those that agree with me. In this particular case there was such a flavor of hatred (is that the word I want to use?). It felt like I had witnessed a crime and couldn't let it go. Perception is a strange thing. I am much saner today. Thank you for stopping by.

As for the razors edge...that is why I am afraid and uneasy.

Barbara Torris said...

I like your approach. I unfriended people because I knew I was going to make them very mad at me. Silly huh?

retirementallychallenged.com said...

I really appreciate this post. I live in a blue neighborhood, in a blue city, in a blue state so I don't find myself in too many disagreements about the unfitness of this president. I do enjoy talking to people who believe differently as long as they don't disparage anyone, site alternate facts, or raise their voices. I, too, am worried and haven't seen anything (actually, quite the opposite) that he has said or done that makes me feel better about the next four years. In the meantime, I do plan on "playing nice," but I will have a hard time remaining silent.

rolekkyle said...

Great article
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Barbara Torris said...

Good for you.

Barbara Torris said...

Thank you.

DJan said...

I am afraid, very much so. I don't know what to do. The march made me feel like I'm not alone, that there are many of us who feel the same. I can give money to groups that will help, I can volunteer to help the downtrodden, and I can grieve. It doesn't make me feel any better about the next four years. :-(

Barbara Torris said...

DJan, we will keep our heads high, go high when they go low and be strong. What our government does not make me "unhappy" in my daily life. Hang in there. I believe that it is going to be ok. People around the world are you "our" side. I take hope from that.


Barbara Torris said...

I see what you mean. Bill Clinton is certainly a flawed person. It is too bad that she has to be judged by his mistakes don't you think? Spouses are hard to separate from the herd and yet, there they are. Darn!

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