Jan 17, 2014

3 Things about Changing Another Person

It is not all about ME!
Have you ever tried to change someone you know?  If you haven't then you are a saint...s-a-i-n-t! Honestly, the old adage "Everyone is crazy except me and thee and sometimes I wonder about thee." is true. Even those of us that see ourselves as tolerant and kind are not telling ourselves the truth...or at least that is what I think. I am as guilty as sin!

My mother was always trying to change people and I thought it was a bunch of bunk. I suppose I felt that way because she would plan and plot for days on end. I do not work that way. See, I don't really want to change people especially my friends because I liked them when we became friends. Still, I hear myself being cranky for things that they do, small behaviors usually. I still like them. I just don't want them to do a few things!

Then I get home and I am so mad at myself. After all who am to be trying to make someone else perfect when I am not perfect myself. I have to remind myself that it is not all about ME! Then I have to call and apologize.  Darn!

I was reading an article today called (surprise) Can You Change People.

I learned that  I should not work on anyone else until I take a good look at myself in the mirror. After all, how can I expect someone else to change when I may not be able to change myself. The three basic ideas for the article were so simple.
  1. "When you act in the way you want others to behave, you are helping the people around you to unconsciously adopt the goals you are pursuing." from Can You Change People by Art Markman, Ph.D.  
  2. The person you find fault with must also see the fault in themselves and commit to a change.
  3. If you want to help then you and the person you are helping must talk and then you need to support them.
Now I don't know about you but I don't want to be the one that tells another person that the way they drive or talk or are always late is annoying. Guiding another person to see their faults without hurting their feelings is tricky. If I know one thing about myself, I know I am not tricky. I am more of a blurt-it-out-in-public kind of woman! Besides that, I don't want to talk about it. I am not good at counseling.

But there may be help...I can ONLY take responsibility for my own behavior and it may be me that needs help changing. I am going to start there. Like the author of the article pointed out, we help others by setting a good example. My first self-help project will be to quit being so darn bossy! There, I said it.
Be well.

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